I didn’t know what I was getting into when I agreed to write for this blog. I’ll be frank, I have done a fair amount of writing in my life, but comparatively few of my precious words have spilled onto paper for pure enjoyment (unless, that is, you believe those crackhead teachers who volunteer to read SAT/ACT and AP shit-shows-of-essays retire to their two-star conference resorts at the end of the day with a crooked smiles on their faces).
Once, I wrote a STELLAR novel about a wizard boy. He went to a magical school and rode a broomstick and had wizard professors and wizard friends and wizard dreams... and then some man dressed like a woman (JK) in England found my scrunched up napkins in the trashcan at a tea & crumpet shoppe and ran away with the fortunes of the world. Talk about FML… (Fuck Muggle LIARS!)
My most recent undertaking (forgetting the ke$ha gift from last week) was a 43 page story based off an illustration of a house blasting off like a rocket. It was a project in fourth grade, where our teacher gave us a variety of images to choose from and then base stories off of. My picture spiraled into novella-- what some amateurs converted into a four page, double-spaced piece of blasdfblah- blah-blah, I crafted into a political statement on the myopic and unsympathetic lens through which society views lonely, depressed, drug-addicted children in the mostly-white ghettos of the rural American Midwest. No one read it. Not even my effing teacher.
I’ll leave you with an overheard at USC, a semi-decent joke, and the advice I took away from a day of doing close to nothing productive.
1) Overheard at USC:
Guy 1: "..and then she spread a line of my cum across my forehead and whispered 'Simba'"
Guy 2: "Wait, so that makes her the mystic baboon? That's fucked up all around, man."
2) Semi-decent joke
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
3) Best piece of advice from my blah blah day: Pre-gaming Leavey with a birthday shot for Tom is the best way to accomplish 1/3 of your work for the next day and write a mediocre blog for your friends to enjoy later…
happy hump day, yo.
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