Friday, March 26, 2010

BK4 SECURITY BREACH

Last night there was an unfortunate security breach on BK4.

A few pesky little rats made it into our hallway and left behind some juju juice.

End of story, Drew puked all over the floor... and into our 3RD (and last remaining untouched) trashcan.

After that, I got on an airplane.

During my two flights, I had a lot of time to think about BK4. I thought long and hard. I thought about Viv. I thought about Anthony. I thought about Viv and Anthony riding unicycles on the moon and holding hands.

I thought about Tandra and Steve sharing a popsicle.

But then I thought about the prehistoric times, way back before the University of Southern California decided our fate by putting us on this magical floor.

Back in those prehistoric times, we gave out Senior "awards" which were just stupid things like "Class Clown" or "Most Likely To Succeed" that gave all the white people a chance to feel good about themselves. It turned out that my year, the bitchy yearbook staff thought that they were the shit and tried to rig the votes so that they and their friends would win. WTF?! Who does that?! Who wants to look back at the yearbook in 40 years, show their friends and family that they won "Best Eyes" senior year of high school, and know deep down that nobody really voted for them... and that they were just so insecure and/or narcissistic that they had to vote for themselves. WEIRD SHIT.

BK4 Version.

Most Likely to Succeed: Jon and Regina.
Jon is a beast. Being recruited by badass accounting companies and being flown on private jets to private islands with private cocaine and public hookers? He's already succeeded.
And did you guys know Regina is one of like 5 students that is in the Entertainment Business program? She may be tiny but she's gonna make a lot of money.

Most Likely to Take Over the World: Casey and Sandra
Casey, I mean this with all due respect.... I think you will rule the world one day. You don't interact with us enough, but when you do you are awesome. Future ruler of the Universe.
Sandra, same thing except you'll use your powers for evil.

Biggest Slacker: NO ONE... Everyone on this floor is too studious.

Biggest Brown-noser: Steve and Vlada.
They just get stuff done. I can't really explain it.

Life of the Party: Kevin and Lily.
I knew this ever since I heard Kevin say "I may be a faggot but I know how to slap a bitch around."
Also, the only time Lily ever comes in my room/talks to me is when she's wasted. Then she either spits popcorn at me or passes out on the floor.

Best Car: JT and Tara
JT has an Audi.
Tara claims that the bus system in LA is actually usable. WHAT A JOKE.

I could do more but I gotta go to the beach.

PEACE.

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